Nightmare in Highland
by Dildeto
Summary: When the Jambastion Cult plays an ancient ritual song at the same time as someone in another universe, a portal is formed between them. Of course, this dumps Kirby and friends into Highland. Can he get home, or will he even want to get home after making some exciting new friends? Written by me and my friend Crownless, who lacks an account.
1. Lesbian Seagull

Kirby and his friends finally reached ceremonial area of the Divine Terminus, and were greeted by Lord Hyness and the three mage generals. "Ah, I sense interlopers..." Lord Hyness murmurs as he turns around to see our four heroes running towards the inner sanctum. Kirby was joined by King Dedede, Meta Knight, and Bandana Waddle Dee. As they approached Hyness, he began to speak.

"You think you outsiders could just waltz on in here uninvited? Well, no matter for you are much too late to stop us now!"

Hyness pulled out a book and instructed his underlings to turn to page 32 and begin the ritual. They all began singing a rather beautiful quartet of Lesbian Seagull.

It wasn't until they had already finished the song that Hyness noticed they read from the wrong page. "NO! NO NO NO NONOONONO! YOU WORTHLESS FOOLS! YOU PERFORMED THE WRONG CHANT!"

Zan Partizanne spoke up,"B-but sire, you also sung the wrong chant with us…"

Hyness was about to pimp slap her when suddenly a portal opened above everyone, sucking them inside to parts unknown…

* * *

Mr. Van Driessen walked into his classroom, ready to begin teaching for the day. He started by taking attendance, sighing when Beavis and Butt-Head were absent from class yet again.

"It's a shame Beavis and Butt-Head will not be joining us today, because I have a special song to share with you all," he stated as he pulled out his guitar.

He began singing Lesbian Seagull, not stopping despite the obvious disinterest of his class. As he finished his song, he noticed it suddenly got a bit dark outside before brightening up again. He thought nothing of it as he continued with his class plans for the day.

* * *

Beavis and Butt-Head were making their way to school, late but still at least making the effort. As they were walking, the sky suddenly flashed and turned darker, almost as if it were nighttime.

"WOAH, check it out Butt-head, it got all dark," Beavis pointed out.

"Yeah, I think that means it's like, night or something. No school, uhuhuh. Let's go get some nachos instead," Butt-Head responded despite the fact that the regular daylight had returned.

Beavis was going to agree, but suddenly something soft fell on him. It wasn't big enough to hurt but it still knocked him to the ground.

"OW! KNOCK IT OFF BUTT-HEAD OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!" Beavis exclaimed before they both noticed the small, puffy, pink blob responsible for landing on Beavis laying in front of them.

Neither of them knew what it was, so they followed their natural instinct and kicked it. The little pink dude began to get up to the feeling of what he thought was a light breeze brushing against his soft body. He opened his eyes to the sight of two handsome young men kicking him relentlessly. Kirby smiled as he thought they were just playing with him and he got up on his stubby red feet.

"Uhuhuhuh, check it out Beavis, it's a ball," Butt-head said as he and Beavis began to chuckle at his witty observation of Kirby. Kirby didn't understand the implication of what they were saying, but saw that they were laughing and he started smiling and dancing around.

"This pink dude is pretty cool, Butt-head. He should come with us to get some nachos," Beavis suggested. Butt-head thought like-wise and the three of them began their trip to Maxi Mart.

* * *

A short chime played as the doors to Maxi Mart opened. The clerk at the desk was busy reading the articles in a Playboy magazine, but he looked up from the nudie mag to see Beavis, Butt-head, and some strange walking pink testicle step inside. He went back to his nudie mag, pretending not to see them. Beavis and Butt-head each grabbed themselves a carton of nachos, while Kirby drooled looking upon the fine Mexican cuisine laid out before him. They had nachos, burritos, taquitos, and the like. Without thinking, Kirby inhaled all of the food they had set out as well as some of the cooking equipment and swallowed it all in one big gulp.

"WHOA, that kicked ass," Butt-head proceeded to say in amazement.

"I told you Butt-head, this guy rules," Beavis replied.

"Actually Beavis, he sucks, uhuhuhuh," Butt-head said as he and Beavis began to laugh again. This gave them an idea. Beavis and Butt-head proceeded to go around the store eating all the chips and snacks they had on the shelves and Kirby joined in.

The cashier looked up from his special monkey photo magazine, to witness the usual suspects and a pink cream puff eating up everything in his store, including the non-edible stuff like Vagisil and ChapStick.

"HEY! WHAT IN SAM HELL DO YOU BOYS THINK YOU'RE DOING IN MY STORE?! I HOPE YOU PLAN ON PAYING FOR ALL OF THAT CRAP YOU JUST ATE!" the cashier screamed as he ran out from behind his counter to confront them.

"Don't worry sir, we have this covered," Butt-Head assured him.

"Yeah, we're rich," Beavis added as they both reached into their back pockets and pulled out what appeared to be crude cut-outs of photocopied dollar bills and quarters.

"This should take care of everything," Butt-head told the man as he slipped one of the shitty dollar bills into the cashier's shirt pocket

Butt-Head's action did nothing to diffuse the cashier's anger. "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SHIT AGAIN, BOYS! I'M GOING TO CALL THE POLICE!"

"Maybe this will change your mind…?" Beavis suggested as he dumped a handful of the badly cut out paper quarters into the front of the cashier's pants.

The cashier was absolutely livid and red in the face, gritting his teeth, seething in rage. He forcefully grabbed both of the boys by their shirt collars and held them up.

"I'M GONNA DO TO YOU SHITHEADS WHAT I SHOULD"VE DONE AGES AGO! I'M GONNA SHOVE MY FOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASSES THAT MY TOES WILL BE KICKING OUT YOUR TEETH!" the cashier yelled, with drops of saliva landing on the boy's frightened faces.

Kirby did not take kindly to the rude man being a meanie to his new friends. He wasted no time in jumping up and kicking the cashier in the face to knock him away from the boys before inhaling him and swallowing him whole.

Kirby gained the Cashier ability, donning a snazzy nametag with his name on it and a deep rooted hatred for the general public.

Beavis and Butt-Head watched the events unfold in front of them in awe. Not only had their new buddy bailed them out, but he seemed to take on some qualities of the guy they just watched him eat.

"Hey, Butt-Head, he's got one of those nametag thingies on. Maybe we can learn what his name is," Beavis suggested after gesturing towards the nametag.

Butt-Head leaned forward to get a better view of what the nametag said. After slowly sounding out the letters, he came to a conclusion.

"Hey Beavis, I think his name is Kribee," Butt-Head stated.

Kirby shook his head and corrected him. Soon after he did that, he realized he now had the ability to open the cash register. He hopped over the counter and opened the register with a cha-ching.

"Hey Beavis, we're rich again," Butt-Head pointed out as they were busy shoveling all of the money into their pants. There was enough of it that some of the bills could be seen sticking out of the top of their pockets.

Beavis was shaking in excitement. "Imagine all the nachos and beer we could buy with this money! Maybe even a flamethrower! FFFIIIRRRREEEE! FFFIIIRREEE!"

They walked out of the store satisfied, but were soon met by Todd in the parking lot. Todd took immediate notice of all the money sticking out of the boys' shorts pockets.

"Hey, you ladies want to share some of that dough?" Todd asked, taking a threatening step towards them.

"Uhhh, no, we stole this money first," said Butt-Head unflinchingly.

"Yeah, we're going to use it to start our own gang, with lots of nachos and naked chicks! And beer! But uhhh, you could join our gang if you want," Beavis added.

Todd grabbed both of them in a chokehold and pressed them against the windows of Maxi-Mart. "That's a shame, because I'm just going to take that money from you girls anyway."

Todd looked down and noticed a third being that was with the boys. "What's this lumpy little turd you wusses have with you?"

Kirby was slow to anger, but this strange being posed a threat to his new friends and insulted him. He shot a death glare at Todd, who was unreceptive to it.

"Aww, is the lumpy little turd gonna shit himself?" Todd taunted. Unfortunately, this last quip sealed his fate. Todd could barely react before he was punched hard to the ground. For the first time in his life, Todd felt true pain. A single tear ran down his chiseled features as he laid on the ground in the fetal position, clutching his gut.

The tear did not escape Beavis and Butt-Head's notice. They immediately began laughing at his expense. "Uhuhuh, you're crying. What a wuss," Butt-Head spoke down to Todd.

Beavis never thought they could have said those things about Todd. He was so cool. Todd ignored them, instead focusing on the pink lumpy little asshole he had dismissed just a few moments ago.

"What the hell, man?" Todd whined between teeth clenched in pain and fear. "You would make a cool addition for my gang, but pink is not our gang's color…"

Todd's girlfriend Gina had stepped out of the car after seeing Todd hit the ground. She was debating if she should make fun of him for going down after one hit, and to a round pink marshmallow man no less.

Kirby cut to the chase and had already discarded the cashier ability. He inhaled and swallowed Todd, gaining the Todd ability. He looked pretty stylish in the sunglasses and torn denim jacket.

Beavis and Butt-Head stared with their jaws dropped. "That was cool, right Butt-Head?" Beavis asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Butt-Head agreed. "Maybe he is cooler than Todd now."

"I dunno Butt-Head, that'd have to be pretty cool. But he does look a lot like Todd now," Beavis pondered.

"Kirby hasn't cried yet, so he's cooler than Todd now," Butt-Head wisely pointed out.

The boys were so busy in their discussion that they didn't notice that Kirby was locking lips with Todd's girlfriend.

"Oooh, you are better than Todd," moaned Gina after sharing spit with Kirby. They also shared some of the things Kirby had eaten earlier, like gas station hot dogs and Vagisil. She had a craving to watch Nascar after drinking some of the regurgitated Vagisil, and suggested they take a ride in Todd's car.

Kirby hopped up in the driver's seat of Todd's 1973 Plymouth Duster, with Gina in the passenger seat. Beavis and Butt-Head joined in the back seats, excited at the first time to ride in this car outside of the trunk. Kirby cracked open and slammed back an ice-cold Jack Daniels and revved the engine.

Beavis and Butthead chugged some non-alcoholic beer they found in the gas station, though they were unaware the beer lacked alcohol.

A burnt out flickering light-bulb appeared next to Butt-head's head. "That butt-munch Stewart still owes us porn. Let's like, uh, pay him a visit, and Kirby can like, kick his ass if he doesn't pay up. That'll be cool, uhuhuh." Butt-head cracked open another can of non-alcoholic beer. The party agreed and sped off for Stewart's house, but not before doing some wicked-sick donuts in the Maxi-Mart parking lot.


	2. On a Winger and a Prayer

It didn't take long for the new gang to reach Stewart's house, since Highland isn't very big. Kirby started doing some more sweet donuts in Stewart's front lawn, and it was pretty baller. He had the window rolled down and was resting one arm on the car door.

After a short while, Stewart went outside to confront whoever was causing such a ruckus. He nervously walked up to the front open window of the car, recognizing it quickly as Todd's.

"Hey guys, this isn't cool. You're messing up my lawn, and my dad is going to be home soon. He's not going to be happy to see this," Stewart nervously told Kirby through the rolled down window of Todd's car.

Kirby just gave Stewart an over-the-sunglasses look and took a long swig of beer.

"Hey, Stewart still owes us some porn. Don't listen to him," Butt-Head chimed in from the back seat.

Beavis was ready to get some porno, and right now. He stepped out of the car and towards Stewart, demanding some of his precious naked chicks.

Stewart backed away defensively. "S-sorry guys, I shouldn't be using the school's computers for that kind of thing. We c-could get in big trouble!"

Soon enough everyone was out of the car and surrounding Stewart, so he had to come up with something and quick.

"Y'know g-guys, maybe Todd had some porn in the back trunk of his car! Yeah! You know how he is."

The boys pondered this for all of a record-breaking two seconds before agreeing. Todd was such a stud afterall, he was bound to keep studly things such as porn in his car.

Unfortunately for them, looking in the trunk only found them a Waddle Dee. No porn in sight.

Butt-Head furiously slammed the trunk shut right in the trapped Waddle Dee's face and turned to Stewart. "Dammit, there's no porn in here. We are going to have to, like, kick your ass now."

It wasn't til now that Stewart processed Kirby's unusual appearance. "Hey, who's this cute little guy you have with you? I mistook him for Todd."

"This guy is Kirby, and he's like, totally gonna kick your ass, Stewart. It's gonna be cool," Beavis said all while shaking with excitement. Stewart tilted his head slightly and shot a confused look at the boys and then chuckled.

"That's a good one guys! He looks too soft and adorable to hurt anyone. Even me," Stewart explained. Kirby just stared blankly at Stewart. He had no intent of hurting the boy in the Winger shirt since he showed no signs of hostility towards himself or his newfound friends. At least, that's what he thought until a local bully rode by on a bicycle making his daily rounds and threw a tomato right at Stewart's face, splattering his whole upper body with yummy tomato juice.

"OH-NO!" Stewart exclaimed, "My mom just washed this shirt this morning, she's gonna kill me!" Stewart had no idea that this was going to be the least of his problems.

Instantly recognizing the scent of his all-time favorite food, Kirby mindlessly started to inhale the splattered tomato paste and Stewart along with it. The poor boy let out a short and pathetic "YELP!" before being sucked inside Kirby's black hole of a gullet.

Before he knew it, Kirby had now obtained the abilities of the one once known as Stewart. He was now donning a Winger shirt that not even a mother could love, a pale complexion, and the risk of soiling himself. The ability he failed to get was how to give the boys some damn porn, much to their dismay.

"Uhhh, you're a lot less cool now dude," Butt-Head informed Kirby while frowning deeply.

Beavis was about to voice his agreement when the Stewart ability suddenly gave Kirby diarrhea. With nothing else to wipe his tush on, he used the Winger shirt he got with the ability. Nobody noticed because Winger is already shit. He finally discarded the Stewart ability.

"Actually, that was pretty cool," Beavis changed his mind upon seeing poop.

The awkward moment was broken when Stewart's mom burst out the front door all teary-eyed. "Have you boys seen my Stewart?! He's been gone for a whole five minutes! I'm really worried about him because he has diarrhea and had to stay home from school today!"

"Uhh, we don't know where he is, ma'am," Butt-Head responded to her after a pause.

* * *

After some time had passed, Stewart had finally awakened to find himself within in a vast and seemingly infinite void.

"G-guys...where'd you go?" he let out with a stammer. He began to look around and saw various creatures and structures assorted out randomly, most of which he had never seen before. Then it all came rushing back to him. He let out a wimpy "AAAAAHHHHH!" in fear of his revelation, not only had Kirby eaten him alive, but he had also been separated from his mother for five minutes or even more. He was totally gonna get grounded for this.

Stewart began to wander off in a random direction akin to a lost child in a supermarket looking for their mother. Along the way he caught sight of someone he recognized. It was Todd! However, Stewart feared to approach Todd, for not only did the thought of Todd make Stewart wet his pants, but Todd was scoring with some chick out in the middle of nowhere and interrupting him would be as wise as interrupting a bull during a game of Hide the Salami.

Cautiously, Stewart tip-toed his way on over and hid behind a convenient cardboard bush sitting nearby. He remembered that he had promised the boys porn and failed to deliver time and time again. What better opportunity to deliver on that promise than using Todd as a stunt cock?

Stewart slipped his cell phone out of his pocket and began recording. Stewart is stupid, so he recorded it vertically, but at least he managed to get the slut he was having sex with in the shot. At least the boys would think she was a slut. Stewart just noticed that she seemed a bit old for Todd.

Little did he know that the woman Todd was scoring with was Beavis's mom.

* * *

The sun was getting low in the sky as the boys spent hours walking around town looking for Stewart. Suddenly, Butt-Head stopped dead in his tracks.

"Uhh, wait a minute. Didn't Kirby like, eat Stewart?"

Beavis was deep in thought for a few moments before answering. "Ohhh yeah. That was pretty cool."

Butt-Head reached over and slapped Beavis across the face. "You dumbass, then why have we been looking for him so much?"

Beavis began to rub his cheek, "You're right Butt-head, this sucks, let's just go home."

Butt-head slapped Beavis once more, this time from the other side. "No way buttmunch, Stewart's mom is probably gonna bother us some more if we don't find him."

Stewart's mom had walked ahead of them without realizing and traced her steps back to where they were. She wiped some tears from her eyes as she asked, "What are you boys talking about? Do you have any leads on where my Stewart is?"

A momentary brilliance struck Beavis, so he whispered to Butt-head, "Check it out, I have an idea." They told Stewart's mom to wait where she was while they went to "fetch" Stewart.

They made their way back to Todd's car and Beavis popped open the trunk. Waddle Dee wasted no opportunity and hopped out to glorious freedom and fresh air at last. But before he could waddle off, he noticed Kirby and two tall figures he did not recognize.

"Ah, sweet monsieur Kirby! Who are zee petit young men who freed moi from zat prison?" Waddle Dee began to inquire.

Kirby pointed at both of the the boys, and nodded as he smiled. Waddle Dee nodded his head in understanding. "I zee now, zey are your friends, no?"

"Hey Butt-Head, I think they might know each other," Beavis thought aloud while rubbing his chin deep in thought.

Butt-Head was thinking of other matters. "OK little British dude, you have to be Stewart now so his mom will leave us alone." He quickly put the shitstained Winger shirt onto Waddle Dee before he could complain.

"Zut alors! I will do so for zee magnifique monsieurs who freed moi. Oui! Vous have a certain je nais se quois zat I can not resist!" Waddle Dee exclaimed, punctuating his statement with a laugh in French.

"I don't understand what he's saying Butt-head," Beavis proceeded to scratch his head, "I think he's speaking Italian or something."

* * *

Soon the boys presented an expertly disguised Waddle Dee to Stewart's mom. This mission proved to be a success, as she tearfully embraced the Waddle Dee she believed to be her own son.

"Oh Stewart, I missed you so much! Never leave me again!" she sobbed as she continued to embrace her false son, smearing the fecal matter from the shirt all over her chest. After about ten minutes, she finally set Waddle Dee back down, "Thank you boys so much for finding my dear Stewart!" she paused to wipe tears from her eyes.

"All in a day's work, ma'am. Do we get a reward?" Butt-Head asked while raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Stewart's mom noticed the time and complied with Butt-Head's request. "Well, it's about suppertime. Why don't you boys come over and join us for dinner?"

* * *

Butt-Head was going to turn down joining the Stevenson family for anything, but free food was always a plus. Everyone was seated around the table as Stewart's dad got home from a rough day at work. His rumpus was still awfully sore from the Harry Sachz incident so he had to put one of the cushions typically reserved for hemorrhoid victims on his chair.

"So boys, mind introducing me to your little pink friend there?" Mr. Stevenson asked, making himself as comfortable as possible on his seat cushion considering his butthole had been ripped to shreds.

Before they could answer, Mrs. Stevenson walked out of the kitchen holding a big plate of steaming hot veggie burgers. Patented Stevenson burgers, old family recipe. "I hope you boys all like veggie burgers. These are reheated but they should still be healthy!" She proceeded to walk around the table, placing burgers on everyone's plates.

Beavis and Butt-head simulatenously wrinkled their faces in disgust at the culinary atrocity that laid before them, Kirby on the other hand didn't seem to mind. Food was food, and Kirby loved food more than anything, even if it so happened to be reheated vegan trash. Kirby inhaled the lump of certified vegan vomit without a second thought to his health. An intense rumbling shook the Stevenson household.

"I-I-Is it an e-earthquake?!" Stewart's dad began to yelp, shaking in his chair but not moving his rump too much as to avoid ripping it open even more. And it was ripped open really bad too. However, this was no mere Texas earthquake, Kirby's tummy was rumbly. That idiot sandwich Kirby just inhaled was not settling well in his tum-tum.

In a flash, Kirby upchucked what appeared to be an obese naked baby bear at first, but it was just Stewart. Mr. and Mrs. Stevenson stared with jaws agape at what could only be described as a crime against nature.

"WHAT?! There couldn't possibly be more than one Winger fan!" Mr. Stevenson said while looking back and forth quickly between Waddle Dee and Stewart. He pointed at the real Stewart. "You aren't my son! Even my son isn't that ugly!"

Stewart stood up from the puddle of spit he was in, scared and now deeply confused. "What? Dad, don't you recognize me?" It was then that he looked around and noticed someone else with a shirt like his. "Who are you? Finally, someone else who likes Winger! I thought I was the only one on Earth."

Waddle Dee just silently took off the Winger shirt and left out the front door. The stress and confusion of the day finally got to Mrs. Stevenson and she promptly fainted. Her husband rushed over to help her while the reality that he is truly the only person who likes Winger sunk in for Stewart.

With Stewart finally found, the boys decided to head home, leaving their uneaten veggie burgers cold.


End file.
